


Cultural Differences

by TheNarator



Series: Homestuck Rarepairs [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Cultural Differences, Cultural Misunderstandings, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Troll Culture, humans trying to explain human culture to trolls, with humorous results
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-27
Updated: 2013-04-27
Packaged: 2017-12-09 15:12:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/775647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNarator/pseuds/TheNarator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux finds out why one does not simply go about hitting on the moirail of one's kismesis. Hurt feelings, physical violence and some very awkward conversations about the differences between humans and trolls are likely to ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cultural Differences

"Tho, how _did_ you learn to code?"

Roxy stopped typing only long enough to register that the question had in fact been directed at her (as opposed to one of the other people most clearly not using any of the computers lining the walls of the lab, with the possible exception of John, who was listening to something of Dave's with a large pair of noise-canceling headphones) then resumed without looking up.

"I taught myself, mostly," she replied in a deliberate monotone. She hoped that the absence of the normal bubbly quality of her voice would put him off.

No such luck.

"Well, sure," Sollux conceded, "I wathn't athking for the name of a Great Mathter to beg an apprentitheship from. But it can't have been eathy, with no guideth and hardly any rethourtheth."

Roxy swallowed a giggle at his pronunciation of 'resources,' but didn't let her amusement show.

"I had resources," she explained, still typing and looking determinedly at her screen. "My mom-- ancestor, left them for me. No I didn't have any guides, or books about computers, or anything, but it's sort of hard to avoid learning code when computers are the only things besides mute starving chess people that will react to you."

"You didn't even have a luthuth."

Roxy blinked at a particularly complex line, backing up two spaces to correct an unnecessary bracket as she tried to decide whether that had been a question or not. Finally she settled on reminding him, "Humans don't have lusii, stupid," and went back to turning all her file designations pink.

"Didn't it ever get, you know, lonely? Having no one to thwap tipth with?"

Did she have to spell it out for him? "I'm a little busy with this," replied, leaning forward toward the screen so that he fell out of her field of view.

Rather than leaving, or even doing something as unobnoxious as actually going back to his own work, he merely vacated his chair in favor of hopping onto the desk by her monitor. This gave Roxy the same unpleasant feeling in her stomach that receiving a congratulatory email from the Betty Crocker Corporation concerning her moirallegence with a seadweller might, but it did have the apparently unintended consequence of making Rose, who had previously been entirely uninterested, take one eye off her conversation with Kanaya and redirect a portion of her focus to monitoring Sollux's proximity to her mother-daughter-surrogate-sister.

"Need any help?" he asked.

Roxy sat back in her chair, partly relaxing on her new-found vindication of how insulted she'd been feeling, but mostly to achieve just the right angle for the scathing look of incredulity she directed at her pest.

Sollux grinned, baring his oversized, crooked fangs in a way that would have been almost endearing, in an awkward sort of way, if hadn't been for the unfocused quality of his pupil-less eyes, lessened only slightly by the blanking sheen of his glasses.

"Jutht thought I'd offer," he laughed, "I'm tho uthed to everyone around here needing my help every two thecondth like a pack of grubfucking wigglerth that itth thort of become a reflekth."

He leaned forward, eyebrows rising in what on a human might have been an almost suave expression. "Bethideth, it would be thtupid of me to mith out on a chanthe to learn from the betht haxxor on earth."

Had she any reason to believe him at all sincere Roxy might have been flattered, or even come close to being turned on by the rather obvious motivation behind the praise. As it was she forced herself to stare into the monitor, picturing Eridan's hurt face (freckles exposed by his mortified blush, the end of his scarf between his teeth, violet tears pooling at the corners of his eyes) which would surely be the result if she actually slapped his kismesis so hard he tumble-rolled off the desk and brained himself on the floor. She shoved her own scarf into her mouth to combat the urge to bite Sollux so hard she left a mark for Eridan to find later.

"Don't you have work to do?"

Rose, Roxy decided, was an angel. Forget the sorcery bullshit, the Seer of Light was a heavenly guardian sent from the highest, least terrifying elder god in paradox space to protect her from overindulging in booze and the transparently manipulative flushed advances of stupidly adorable alien hacker geniuses.

If she was going to actually resist aformentioned advances, she realized she should probably try to stop thinking of Sollux as an adorable hacker genius.

Sollux stood up, glaring at Rose. Rose returned his glare in kind, but kept her seat, and Kanaya glanced cautiously back and forth between them as though she realized something was happening but wasn't sure what. Even John took off one headphone and stared nervously at the unfolding scene.

"Thinthe when ith what work I choothe to do or not do any buthineth of yourth?" he snarked.

"Since you started di _ **th**_ turbing other people's work," Rose replied acidly, deliberately mocking his lisp. "I would suggest that you quit pretending to flirt and find something productive to do."

"You're not the one I'm flirting with," Sollux retorted, "you care for what reathon ekthactly?"

"Wait!" Roxy snapped, drawing Sollux's attention immediately back to her. "Are you saying you were _actually_ trying to flirt with me?"

"Well, yeah," Sollux explained, squirming suddenly. "I don't know if you've notithed with all the fucking attention I've been heaping on you but I'm kinda flushed for you."

The image of Eridan, now swimming in a slightly panicked blur of blue and purple before her eyes, flew apart like so much dust before a windstorm, to be replaced by a single, certain, un-dissuadable conclusion.

_He will forgive me._

There was a slight crunching noise that would indicate an imminent flow of honey-colored blood as Roxy's fist connected solidly with the bridge of Sollux's nose. Sollux for all the world appeared to not have been expecting that at all, hadn't even braced himself in the slightest, and so went sprawling onto the floor with such force that his legs flew up over his head and he came to rest awkwardly splay legged with his crotch pressed into the floor.

"What the fuck RX!?" he swore, holding his broken nose as he struggled to get his knees under him.

Roxy wasn't entirely sure where in her swing she had stood up, but now found herself standing over him, fists clenched as though primed for another swing.

"What. The actually fuck. Do you take me for!" she screamed. Sollux looked up at her with all the confused terror of a freshly hatched grub looking out upon his awaiting trials, and if not for the already obvious mark that she would no doubt have to explain to Eridan later Roxy might have seriously considered decking him again. Without waiting for an answer she whirled around and made for the door, only to find it blocked by the two Striders who had moments before entered by it. They, like Rose and John, were staring at Sollux in horrified disbelief, and both reacted a second too late in their shock to stop her from storming out of the lab.

***

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" Dirk demanded, his voice sounding even more dangerous than his typical cryptic monotone.

Sollux would very much have liked to give an answer, preferably one that didn't involve Dirk equipping his sword. Unfortunately he didn't have an answer for the human, or his ecto-brother, or their ecto-sister-daughter who came to stand in front of them, looking no less terrifying than when she'd first gone Grimdark. He would have liked to have an answer that would satisfy them all, but the dull throbbing of his broken nose and the stabbing ache in his blood-pusher did little to dispel the cloud of confusion currently occupying most of his head.

What had he done wrong? What had he said to her? What could possibly have elicited such a violent reaction in the girl he'd been trying to flirt with?

"It would be in your best interest to provide an explanation, Captor," Rose bit out, her normal blithe serenity replaced by a thin layer of control barely containing a pit of frothing rage. "The odds of Dirk keeping his temper seem very low from where I'm standing, and I myself am finding it quite difficult to remain calm at a display of such blatant disrespect."

'Calm' would be about the last word he would use to describe Rose.

"I don't -- I didn't," Sollux sputtered through the trickle of blood leaking from his nose, "I don't know _what_ I did!"

"I must concur with Sollux I'm afraid," interjected Kanaya, getting shakily to her feet with her eyes fixed on the irate Rose. "It doesn't seem to me as though any such offense was committed. Could this not be a bit of an overreaction on Roxy's part?"

"To hell with your excuses," Dirk growled, anger showing clearly through his usual Strider cool. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just gut you like an especially slimy fish Captor."

This threat, however, was rendered quite empty by the sudden gust of wind that swept the lab, lifting all five of them into the air and carrying them out of each other's reach.

"How about we calm things down a bit," John interrupted, depositing humans and trolls on opposite sides of the lab and coming to stand between them. "I, uh, think I have an idea of what's going on here."

"Do tell," said Rose waspishly, and John gave her a plaintive smile.

"I think we've hit one of those cultural barriers that make it especially hard for humans and trolls to deal with each other," John explained. He looked at his shoes, shuffling slightly. "I, uh, was watching some movies with Karkat and he's been explaining some stuff to me. Quadrant stuff, mostly."

"JN I find mythelf thuddenly wakthing passionately ashen for you," Sollux confessed gratefully, but drew back when Dave practically snarled at him.

"Stuff it up your nook Captor," he growled. "Counselor Egbert you have the floor; please explain to this monument to idiocy why it is so far beyond not cool that cool is another planetary system to _hit on your archrival's best friend_."

OK, there was some weird human stuff in that sentence but the gist of it seemed pretty clear.

"Wait, you mean how ED and RX are moirailth? What'th that got to do with anything?"

"Er," said John, "hey Dave, can you go find Karkat for me? I think it might be better if I explain human stuff to the trolls while he explains troll stuff to the humans. Dirk, can you round up Roxy and Eridan? They should both be here for this."

Dirk and Dave glanced at each other, then at Rose. At her nod they became orange and red blurs, flashstepping off to find all the necessary guests to what was apparently going to be a cultural sensitivity party.

Who knew hooking up with the hot hacker babe would be so complicated?

"So," Rose huffed, coming to stand next to John, somewhat calmer but still giving off a distinct feel of a bird with ruffled feathers, "what is so different about troll culture that attempting to use someone's moirail against them in an effort to strengthen a kismessitude is looked upon as a perfectly valid social interaction?"

Sollux choked on nothing, and beside him he heard Kanaya give a little gasp.

"What?!" he spluttered. "No! What? How was I uthing RX to get to ED? Why would I do that? What would be the point?"

"That," John interjected brightly, "would be the question, for a human. You see Rose, it's just a miscommunication!"

Rose, however, was having none of it. "Oh, so you were serious? Then please, explain to me how assuming she would betray her moirail in such a way is any less insulting?"

"What the ever-pitying _fuck_ doeth thith have to do with ED?!" Sollux howled. "I never even brought him up, fuck, how ith he managing to thcrew thith up for me when he'th _not even here!?"_

"Look, Rose," John tried once again to inject himself into the conversation, "it's not the same for trolls, alright? Quadrants aren't meant to . . . to interact that way. Your moirail isn't supposed to have any say in who you have as a matesprit, well, at least not any more than you give them. The point is, you don't have to always have the same opinion of people as you moirail. Just because Eridan hates Sollux, doesn't mean Roxy's obligated to dislike him!"'

"Is there meant to be no regard for how Eridan feels?" Rose countered, but to Sollux's immense relief she seemed less angry and more curious now. "Is it not considered a minimization of his feelings for Roxy to hold such a high opinion of his kismesis?"

Or at least, he would have been relieved if he wasn't so confused.

"Why should RX care what ED thinkth of me?" Sollux asked. "I mean, sure she'th probably heard him bitch about me, but he'th not thupothed to tell her how to think. If she felt the ekthact thame way about me that he did she'd be pitch for me too, and it would be weird."

"Am I correct," Kanaya began, taking a cautious step towards Rose, "in thinking that 'best friend' would be the rough human equivalent of a moirail? And that one aspect of the relationship is to, it seems, hold at least similar opinions on most matters?"

"Something along those lines," Rose conceded. "For one participant in the friendship to hold a strongly negative opinion of something or someone while the other party holds a strongly positive opinion is an indication that the friendship itself has an unstable base, being comprised of two individuals who are so different from one another."

"Tho bathically I implied that RX had a weak moirallegenth?" Sollux clarified, a sick feeling of mortification and horror settling in his abdomen. "After, of courth, the implication that I wath justht uthing her to make ED upthet? How doeth that even work?"

"Such a drastic disagreement on a person's character would indicate a fundamental dissimilarity," Rose explained. "This would cast the relationship into doubt in the minds of both participants, as well as a feeling that their own opinions lacked validity. Essentially it would be considered a great betrayal to harbor a flushed attraction to your best friend's worst enemy."

"It's like when me and Karkat first got together," John recalled. "He liked me, and I guess I was sort of starting to admit to myself I liked him, a bit, but Vriska said she didn't like Karkat and thought he wasn't worth her time. For a while I stayed away from him, because Vriska was my moirail and I didn't want to make her mad by saying her opinion didn't matter to me. It wasn't until I realized she was really okay with it that I could really let anything happen."

Sollux swallowed the lump of pain and regret in his throat, exchanging looks of equal horror with Kanaya. No wonder Roxy had hit him. She thought he'd been trying to drive a wedge between her and her moirail!

Kanaya opened her mouth, perhaps to ask another question, but was interrupted by the lab doors opening to admit two Striders, a disgruntled Karkat, a confused Eridan and a still very ruffled looking Roxy.

***

Code, Roxy decided, was much easier than people. Sitting on her bed with her laptop perched in the precise position it was designed for she felt far more in control of her life than when she attempted to make sense of the events of the afternoon. After a complex discussion of the cultural differences between the human approach to relationships and the troll approach, which was made far longer than it needed to be by everyone talking over each other, Roxy still hadn't been sure she wanted to be left alone with Sollux, and hence had retreated to being on her own. Before she'd managed to disappear Eridan had pulled her aside by the scarf and made it perfectly clear that who she chose for her flushed quadrant was her prerogative and no one's business but hers, and he would make anyone who tried to dictate her relationships to her pay dearly for their presumptuousness. Then he'd wound his scarf around her neck, taken hers in return, and kissed her forehead before letting her escape to her room.

On her laptop, the pesterchum alert popped into view.

TA: RX?

TG: yep, you have reached the office of supreem genius. please state yoru business and await further instructions.

TG: *supreme

TG: *your

TA: how do you code 2o accurately when you can't type a 2 line message wiithout correcting your2elf twice?

TG: possibly because i dont sually code when i've alredy had a few drinks.

TG: *usually

TG: *already

TG: fuck it, you knwo what i mean.

TA: you 2houldn't driink that 2tuff. ii2n't iit liike human sopor? iit'll rot your thiink-pan.

TG: your my moirail all of a suden?

TA: no

TA: about that

TG: what?

TA: ii

TA: ii diidn't mean two iimply anything thii2 afternoon. about you and ED.

TA: ii ju2t wanted two iimpre22 you and

TA: fuck

TA: ii've never been very good at thii2

TG: 's ok. neither have i.

TA: you don't have two

TA: wait. what?

TG: i said, 've never been very good at this either. i mean, my only reel flushcrush is now shacking up with my ecto-hubby.

TG: i don't have much by way of exeriprince

TG: lol, accidental pun

TA: 2o you mean, you'd be open two the iidea?

TG: i'm not totaly closed of to it.

TG: wanna sea how it goes?

TA: work2 for me iif iit doe2 for you.

TA: doe2 iit work for you?

TG: i'm not exactly shy about lettin you know, am i?

TA: hehe, no ii gue22 not.


End file.
